Parsha Review Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Parsha Review Podcast .

Welcome back everybody. It is so wonderful to be here. We are now going to do Parsha's Kedoshim, which is a combined two portions again in the book of Leviticus, the book of Eyeachor. Chapter 19 verse number 17. Now as we mentioned previously, the book of Leviticus, the third book of the Torah, is about the holiness of the Jewish people. And the Torah is giving us guidance
exactly how we need to conduct ourselves and be holy. And why does the Torah say be holy? Ki kadosh ani, because Hashem is holy. Hashem says, I'm holy, be like me. Be holy like me. What does holy mean? Holy means different, separated. We're not the same like the nations of the world. We need to be distinguished in how we act. We need to be distinguished so people can look and they can say, oh, that's the way a Jew acts. Let's see what the verse tells us here.
Lo sisna esachicha b'vavecha. Do not hate your brother in your heart. This is an important command on its own. That means if, God forbid, you have a complaint about your fellow, the guy sitting next to you in synagogue, the guy sitting next to you here at the TORCH Center. You have a complaint, you have to say it. You have to say it. You can't keep it in your heart. Can't keep it in your heart. You got to go and approach them. What's the next command?
Hocheach tocheach etamitecha. You shall repeatedly admonish your fellow, meaning give criticism to your fellow man. And then what does it say? V'lo tisa alefcheit, and do not bear because of him a sin. So our sages tell us that we can learn this all as one command or three separate commandments. What does the Torah teach us here? Lo tisna esachicha b'vavecha. Do not hate your fellow in your heart. You have to speak it out. You have to talk to them. Then what does it say?
Hocheach tocheach etamitecha. We brought this Talmud in Tractate Yevamot 62b, I believe it is, with a 42b, where the Talmud says that just like there is a mitzvah to reprimand someone who will listen to you, there is a mitzvah not to reprimand someone who will not listen to you. If you know that your fellow will not listen to you, you have an obligation. It's a mitzvah not to say a word. The obvious question that everyone asks is, well, how do I know?
How will I know if they will accept it or not? Well, if you don't know, you have no business saying anything. That means you don't have enough of a relationship. You don't just go over to a random stranger and start criticizing them. Unless you're in Israel. Then everybody tries to raise your child. They bring your child. You want a parenting class in Israel? Take your child to the playground. Everybody will tell you how to raise your child. That's because it's one happy family.
But the obvious question that our sages ask, I just want to read to you what the commentaries bring over here. About lo sisnas achicha b'lvavech, do not hate your fellow in your heart. The verse speaks of your antagonist as your brother. Your brother. Et achicha, lo tisna et achicha b'lvavecha. What do you mean, I hate the guy? No, no, no, he's your brother. Just don't forget, you're a brother. Even though he wronged you, think of him as your brother. And do not fall prey to hatred.
Rav Hirsch explains, be careful. Hatred is a very powerful, very destructive thing. Remember, he's still your brother. I hate him! No, he's your brother. V'lo tisa l'avchet, do not bear sin because of him. Although you are required to reprove wrongdoers, you will be sinning if you do it the wrong way. Be careful not to embarrass them. So why are these two juxtaposed? Lo sisnas achicha b'lvavecha, do not hate your fellow in your heart. Et ochech et ochech et amitecha, to reprove your fellow man.
Sages tell us, because when you love somebody, when you care about somebody, you want what's best for them. If there's no love, you wouldn't say a thing. It's only because he's achicha, because he's like your brother and sister, that's why you even had any interest in correcting them. The example we've given here numerous times. If a child runs into the street, what happens? A stranger drives by, they see the child running into the street, they honk their horn.
Kid, you're crazy! What are you doing? What are you running in the street? Then they continue going. But who stops their car, puts it on park, jumps out the door, runs after that kid? Only the parent, because the parent really cares. It's not some stranger, it's my child. I care. And because I care, I'm going to do something about it. Meaning, if you don't care that your friend is doing something wrong, there's a distance in the relationship. Who does Hashem reprimand? Those he loves.
Those Hashem doesn't love, those Hashem doesn't care for, the sinners, Hashem doesn't give them challenges. They'll get the reward here. Those that Hashem loves, Hashem will give us challenges. Hashem will give us, correct us, to adjust, to correct our way, to realign ourselves. That because Hashem loves, Hashem does that. Hashem does the same as we need to do. Hashem does this, we need to do the same. Hashem punishes those He loves, because He wants to correct their way.
If you care about someone, if you care about someone, you need to find a way, a right place, a right time, right words, to say it. If you don't care about them, and you just want to get it off your chest, welcome to the club, that's the rest of the world. You yell at someone at the bank, excuse me, what's your problem, why? You embarrass them in public. They're not going to change because of it. What happened? Nothing.
And you can hold on to it for a while. There's a right time and right place for it. Something that I learned from my grandfather, a blessed memory, is that he would hold on to saying what needed to be said to his students till he found the exact perfect time that it would be effective. He would see his student did something. Don't correct him right away. He's in the moment now, he's not going to even listen to you. It's very important for a person that we love
that we find a way to correct them appropriately because we love them. If you knew that there was a pitfall, if you knew that there was a bad business deal that they would go into, you would tell them, if you love them. You're not going to go and put up signs everywhere for everybody, but someone you care about, someone who's your friend, you'll tell them just be careful. Use caution. There's a story told, a true story.
There was a man who was praying in synagogue on Friday and he started feeling weak. He wasn't feeling well and they called the ambulance. Ambulance came and took him to the hospital. He did a full checkup and he returned home that day. Later that night, Friday night, he comes back to synagogue, the guy, and he meets one of his friends and he says to him, I'm disappointed in you. Disappointed. He says, yes, you saw me sick today.
Why didn't you come over to me and tell me to do teshuvah? If you really love me and you're really my friend, you would have come over to me and said, you know, you should investigate your ways because the only reason Hashem gives one a challenge is because they've gone astray. You're my friend. You're supposed to hold me accountable. You're supposed to be mochiach. You're supposed to give me reprimand. You're supposed to correct me. Who else is going to, if not the people who love me?
An identical story. I saw about Rav Chatzke Levenstein. Rav Chatzke Levenstein was the great spiritual leader of the Ponevitch yeshiva. When his wife passed away, you can imagine everybody came to the shiva house. Everybody came to pay a shiva call to the great rabbi, the spiritual leader of Ponevitch yeshiva. It was the first mega yeshiva since Rabbi Akiva with the 24,000 students. It was the first yeshiva in maybe 2,000 years that had over 1,000 students. It's unbelievable.
So when one of the great sages came to him, he said to him, you know, I'm very disappointed. Very disappointed. So he was disappointed. He says, look how many people are coming to visit you. Everybody and their mother are coming to visit you. Look, every rabbi in town, every teacher in town, every lecturer in town, every student in town, everybody's coming to wish you and to be there with you in your time of sorrow, in your time of pain. What are you disappointed with?
He said, everybody's coming because it's for them. Nobody's coming because it's for me. He says, not one person asked me what sin I may have done to cause me this pain. Because we know the Talmud teaches us, the Torah teaches us, that Hashem does not inflict a person with pain unless they were deserving of it. He says, those who care about me are the ones who should have been asking me, what sin did you do wrong? The Talmud says, the Talmud in Tractate Baruchot says,
that one of the great sages, all of his wine barrels turned into vinegar. It was a terrible, devastating loss. His friends, his fellow rabbis came to him and said to him, what sin might you have done that caused this to happen? He did Teshuvah. And either the Talmud says it turned back into wine or the price of vinegar went up, that he made as much money as he would have made if it were wine. But what's the moral of the story?
The moral is that if you care, you say something. If you care, you say something. If you don't care, you don't care. I don't need to say anything. So what's the obligation of the Torah? The obligation of the Torah is to care. Care about your fellow man. You see them do something, say something. Why? So we know, even in your fancy car for sure, in the fancy cars they have what's known as blind spot monitors. Blind spot monitors, what's a blind spot monitor?
We all have areas that we can't see with our own eyes. That even if we have the assistance of our mirrors, there's an area that you cannot see with the mirror. So there's a little notification they have either in the mirror or inside the car, letting you know that there's a car there. So you shouldn't turn into that lane and have an accident, God forbid. As human beings, we all have blind spots. In a very practical way, our eyes can only see between 140 to 150 degrees.
We have 360 degrees around us. We can only see 140, 150 degrees. That means that 210 degrees, 220 degrees, we cannot see. So if you cured me and there was a beam that was about to fall on my head, what would you do? You'd say, careful, move, move, move, right? That's because we have a blind spot. You want to protect me. You want to help me. We all have blind spots. And that's what this commandment in the Torah is telling us.
Don't put them down. Alert them of their blind spots. We all have blind spots. But there's a difference in the motive. Are you saying at the point of fingers, like the doctor, you tell them it hurts you, they push, ah, I told you it hurts me, what are you pushing, right? You're putting it there just because you want to prove that you're better than me or because you want to help me. If you really care about your fellow man, you'll find the right place,
you'll find the right time, you'll find the right words to say it in a way that they will accept it, that they will see a benefit in what you're saying. They'll see that it comes from love. I've had many, many times, Baruch Hashem has gifted me with the most incredible children in the world. But I've had plenty of times that I needed to say something to my children. In fact, my children were just here from Israel, visiting over Pesach.
And there was something that I saw that I thought needed correction. You have to, you're obligated. I still haven't said anything. And the reason I haven't said anything is because I didn't find the right time, the right place, or the right words. At the moment that I saw what I saw, it bothered me so much. And I was like exploding. I was like, no, no, no, no. Who's going to benefit from that?
Me to just, you know, blow the steam off and like say what it is. And again, I love my children. They're amazing. But as a parent, we love our child. When we see them doing something, we have to correct them. That's our job. That's our responsibility. If we don't, then who will? I still didn't say anything. And God willing, I'll find the right words. I'll find the right time and place to make that point.
Because if the job is to just not hold it in and goodbye and I'll let you know, so then just say it. And then there'll be no benefit. But if it's, don't hate them in your heart. It's your brother. Then give them proper guidance to correct their way in the right way, the right words, the right place, the right time. When they'll be willing to accept it, when they'll be willing to hear it, we have to be so cautious of this.
You know, chaver, friend, comes from the word chibur, connection. That's the job of a friendship. K'nei lecha chaver, to acquire a friend. It's a lot of hard work to acquire a friend. Where there's trust, where there's connection, where there's accountability. It's an acquisition. And you take it your whole life. That when you see something, you will say something. Because there's a bond between the two. Now, one has to be careful with their spouse. It's no different.
Yes, we have to correct our spouse when they do something. It's always the wife correcting the husband. That's the way it should be. But we have to find the right way, the right time, the right place. It was something that my wife one time, one time, I remember my wife did something. I was very, very embarrassed. And I committed at the moment that I will not talk about it for two, three weeks. And two or three weeks later, we went on a date night.
And the atmosphere is different. The environment is different. The emotions are different. You're not at the moment angry, upset, embarrassed, alarmed, calm, pleasant. I said, by the way, remember that incident? I was really embarrassed. It hurt me very much. In a way that was very, okay, it's like something in the history. It's something which is not now. It's not something I just did. There's no investment in it right now. It's much easier to accept. We must be soft in how we say it.
Because there's a different prohibition in the Torah of embarrassing our fellow. And someone's talking behind you, so you're going to be Mr. Righteous. You're going to turn around and say, shh, no talking here. You know what you just did? Two things. First is you violated the prohibition of reprimanding your fellow because they're not going to accept. They're going to continue talking. Number two, you probably made them angry. Number three, you embarrassed them in public.
The prohibition of embarrassing your fellow man is a very grave sin. Spilling their blood. In fact, when we learn in the Torah, the Torah tells us that nothing, nothing in the Torah is a commandment of common sense. Common sense the Torah doesn't need to command you. Common sense Hashem gave you a brain. We all know not to steal, not to murder. The Torah doesn't command us not to steal, not to murder. Rabbi, Ten Commandments, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not murder.
Look at what the commentaries explain. Thou shalt not murder. Don't embarrass your fellow in public. That's murder. You spill their blood. Their blood gets drained from their face. They turn white, spilling their blood. It's a different form of murder, embarrassing someone in public. So yes, we have a mitzvah to reprimand. We also have a mitzvah not to kill someone by embarrassing them. The only time we see in the Torah that we do intentionally embarrass someone is when we want them to admit their guilt.
And that's regarding a woman who was accused of an adulterous affair where they made her uncover her ear, which would be embarrassing to a married woman. So that she's shamed into admitting her guilt. Even then, Hashem says, I'm erasing my name with it. We put God's name into the water and God's name is erased because their embarrassment is my embarrassment. We have to use great caution. Take time. And what does it say later? The next verse, and you shall love your fellow as yourself. Why?
I am Hashem, your God. Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetzky, the great leader of the Jewish people today in the United States, was in a question and answer series. And a woman says, she says, what do I do with my son? My son did this. My son did that. And I want to reprimand him. He says, what's the benefit? Hug him. Hug him, it'll do better. Hug your child. She says, yeah, but I'm so upset about what he did. He says, hug him even more.
A hug will do more good for your son than reprimanding him. Hug him. No, but he did something so terrible. Hug him more. The love, the care, the concern. As a parent, we don't need to be correcting our child. Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Why did you do this? You didn't do this. You didn't do that. Love them. It'll have so much more of an impact.
So much more of a lasting, so much more of an effective, so much more of a productive impact than pointing out their negative flaws, pointing out their shortcomings, their mistakes. The more we are able to see the positive in another person, your brother, achicha, amitecha, kamocha, like yourself, just like you would like to be reprimanded. You would like someone to take the time and think, what's the best way for me to tell this person they're making a mistake?
What's the best way for me to tell this person that they have a blind spot, that they're not noticing? If you really love somebody, you will ensure that you do it in the greatest, most sensitive, most delicate way possible. My dear friends, Hashem is teaching us how to be great. Hashem is teaching us how to be holy. Not to go around offending people. Not to go around hurting people. Not going around and correcting people. But instead, love your fellow man.
And because you love them, you'll take the time to find the right way to say if it needs to be said altogether. Maybe all they need is a hug. And that hug will do a lot more than criticizing, than putting them down and critiquing them. My dear friends, have a magnificent Shabbos.

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